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The more time passes the fuzzier the details get. I remember you saying that I'd never find another man as good as you quite clearly though. I remember I thanked you for helping me stay sober and I confided in you how bad it hurt me when people told me that they liked me better when I was drinking. I remember that when you wanted it over, you made sure uniontown AL bi horny wives of it-- you said you liked me better when I was drinking. From the beginning of it all, I knew that I was just an escape for you. A way to try and get out of something else. I still think about you and I wonder why. Were you the best I would ever have? Of course not. My life has done a complete 180 since I left WI and I am finding out for the first time how to truly understand myself. If I feel like doing something bad now-- I just don't do it. I am focused on my life and all the possibilities of where it can go. And amazingly, it's going sky high! I am not tied down by a husband or children or some man trying to get in the way of what I am doing. I am just not interested. Sometimes I wonder if I will run into you down here when you are visiting with your family. Then, I wonder why. Why would I want to see someone who caused me so much pain, someone who warped my mind so much I started acting so crazy I barely recognized myself. I think I get it now, I think I'd like to rub your face in it, but that doesn't make me feel that good either. I almost thinks that it's wrong of me to even be writing it, but I feel like I just have to speak my mind and get it off my chest. Maybe like you had done to me; I have already caused you equal amounts of pain (which is maybe why you said the thing about me drinking) and if so, I'm sorry for that. I just want you to know, because at one time I actually believed what you said about how my life would go, that you (and me I guess) couldn't have been more wrong. I found my passion down here. For the first time, I have found something that makes me happy from the outside-in and it's unshakable. I don't smoke pot because I'm so happy I don't want to. I don't drink because I'm so happy I don't want to. I'm so challenged everyday and forced to give my all, my willingness to do that creates even more joy. I've spent so much of my life looking for me--and every time I thought I was close, I let someone like you get in the way. This is why I know I've found my dream; I've been easily refusing anyone's attempt to interfere with it. You probably feel that you got the best of me when I 'was ripe for the picking' but the truth is you didn't really have any part of the real me. You may even feel that you still have some sort of hold in my head because I am writing this three years later. That thought has crossed my mind too, but lots of thoughts cross my mind these days. I think the conclusion is 10% of me wants this to be a GFY (go f*ck yourself) letter, but the other 90% of me says; life has a way of happening whether you like it to or not. Sometimes things you think you want are not the things that are meant for you and that you should thank God that they failed. The 90% says finally, I've said my peace. I don't miss you and I don't hate you either. You may have passed through my life, but you were never meant for my life and I should consider myself very lucky that I ended up where I am. This is all there is to say, I just hope you end up as lucky as I have been and are able to find true happiness.
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