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The following attributes make me the best man ever:
I am a great listener. Well, actually I'm really good at pretending. See none of us listen, but I will give you the illusion that I care deeply and that I am thoughtfully listening as you explain your cat's kidney transplant and recovery for 2 hours or I will feign utter amazement and shock as you explain the seven stores you were forced to go to in your quest to find that special color nail polish.
I love to shop. Actually, I cant remember if I do or not because the last time I went shopping with a woman I jumped off the roof of the mall head first and can not remember the experience. Every woman I talk to says shopping is a really fun thing to do all day though so they must be right? I wonder why I was on that roof at the mall?
I will never do anything in public that may embarrass you. I am great at pretending to be sober. So good in fact, you can put me in any uncomfortable situation you want and i will just get shit faced and smile and agree with you. I never look at other women when I'm with you. Well actually I do but I have freakish peripheral vision and I can look at another women's ass at the beach or your sisters boobs while looking straight at you.
I love to talk. Now this is tricky because I realize I may very well have to talk about my feelings and such. So I just ask you a bunch of questions that will eventually lead me to say exactly what you want to hear without really saying anything original or interesting, but it will seem original an interesting and you will really enjoy it.
I like to cuddle. Especially leading up to sex or for 30 or 40 seconds after sex.
I love animals. I really like bacon and chicken wings. Yummy!
I love kids. I really enjoy watching you read emails from your kids that live far away with someone else.
Your looks are not important. Inner beauty and a great sense of humor are the most important things. I'm laughing at myself for saying that bullshit.
If you get this post then you probably will enjoy getting to know me. I'm 6 feet tall, tan, smoke, have my own money and car, well educated, not a great big fat dude, no mental problems, no ex wife drama, not a religious nut, no kids living with me, and really enjoy doing all kinds of things.
Your pic gets mine. Put your favorite movie in the subject line so I know you are not a bot.