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So I have an extra Fiona Apple ticket... m4w . . .and for the sake of democracy among my friends I'd just as soon give the ticket to a complete stranger off of the internet.
Well. . .not a complete stranger. It would be nice if we at least knew each others names and faces. It'd be awkward if we only knew each other by code-names and wore Halloween masks of ex-presidents the whole time. (Actually that sounds like a lot of fun.)
Anywho I'm looking a non-sex-for-money-type escort to the show. I just don't want to be that weirdo creeper who has the empty seat next to him with the lonely JanSport backpack in it. I've seen that guy -- he sucks. I have the extra ticket only because my original compadre is on the lam for bouncing checks to buy Girl Scout cookies. (The last time we spoke she said that she was moving to Samoa and that I could not tag-a-long.)
Here's what I'm looking for:
1. A female, or someone mostly female (or at least someone who has a mostly female appearance).
2. One between the ages of twenty and fifty (my mom's age). I'll make an exception to the age requirement with proper documentation (a note from your parents, doctor and/or religious advisor).
3. I'd like someone who is a fan of Fiona Apple but not the crazy-sing-a-long-wear-the-t-shirt-I-just-paid-fifty-clams-for-cry-at-every-other-song type fan. Be a fan - but not an oscillating fan.
4. Pleasant smelling. We will be sitting next to each other for a couple of hours. I don't have a particular smell in mind although I absolutely cannot stand the smell of mulch. Please do not wear a mulch-scented perfume or use a mulch-scented soap, shampoo or conditioner. I don't really believe such products exist but I'd be rather be safe than sorry. (Actually you'd be sorry because if you somehow manage to show up smelling of mulch I will not give you the ticket and I will probably do something disgusting in your direction and possibly onto your person. Fair warning to all of you mulch-goblins.)
Paying me back for the ticket is optional. I consider money to be relative. The further away from it I am the less that it means to me. This money is already spent and therefore means nothing (even less than pre-spent money which means very little).
Quick recap: Fiona Apple ticket. No implied hand-holding, necking or touching-of-bathing-suit-areas. I really like Girl Scout cookies. Good smelling, youngish female who is a stationary fan. Mulch smells like yak piss. Money barely exists.
Please reply with the title of a Fiona Apple song as your subject so I know that you're not a robot.
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