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This is the writer of the post you refer to. I wish I could prove it, but alas, not easy. Not impossible, but not without breaking the veil of anonymity this place affords. "It seems you've moved on from something special." Dickens comes to mind. Tale of Two Cities. I think you know the quote. Special? I don't know if I could it that. It was definitely a gnostic experience It started off a such, as something to be treasured...but he fact is, it ended in a great deal of pain. At least for me. Was it real? I know it was for me. Despite the illusion that it was shot through with and that covered it, It hurt so much I had to make sense of it to start letting it go. Otherwise, I would have been truly cold and numb to everyone I loved for a very long time. So much pain I required counseling to help me separate what I was and wasn't responsible for. She shoveled it all on me, you see. But I simply can't shovel it back on her. I had to own my mistakes. Accept that I failed, and how. In doing so, I acknowledged how I fell. I never saw anything from her but a need to just throw it all away. To not look back. She officially does not want closure. And there are some things about that that say what our relationship meant to her. And they aren't good. "I hope you've formally said goodbye to her." see above statement "Although you believe she refused to fall, she may need to heal a deep wound. Strength doesn't mean without pain." No, it doesn't. It means working through it. It means being able to take an honest look at everything that happened, see how that feeds whatever cycles you find yourself in, and get to the roots of that cycle. Emotional inventories. They work, but only if you're honest with yourself and want to get out of the bubble. Otherwise, the pain is just an excuse to keep the fear and the anger going. To make what happened a cornerstone for all your choices after. And that's reacting. "I hope being in a relationship that now works equates to love and happiness and not a relationship that is simply with very little risk." Oh risk is there. And it was in the the one I wrote about too. In this one, I'm with a woman who knows most of my "tricks", my moods, my mindsets and my flaws. She was one of my best friends before and still is. If I mess this up, I lose hard, and the woman on the other side of the couch from me knows exactly what I'm capable and how I would do it. That's risk. By the same token, there are somethings in her life she'd like to explore, and some of those require me to have an element of trust in her word. After what I've been through, that's very hard for me, but she's not the one responsible for that fear. With the one I wrote about, I went across the country, sold most of my things, left all of my friends, went hell and gone away from my family. That was it's own kind of risk. I thought that her "even temper" and her playful manner as the safe things in it, but that turned out so not to be true. There is risk in every relationship. The key to it is knowing what you're putting on the table, and what she is, and what you're BOTH holding back. " Thanks for reminding me of a time and person that made me feel completely alive." Please understand what I'm about to say is not a put down or a slam, It's not meant that way. I do NOT see myself as "alive" in that relationship. I see myself tied to a chair, my concepts of pleasure and pain completely crosswired, and I can't even scream because if I do, the relationship ends. There was no working with it. The "experiment" continued, or it was over. There was no evolution. There was no growth...not till AFTER. I subsumed myself completely for that kind of thing to go on...and then when "leaving": was the best option, and I knew it had to happen but didn't want to admit it, I resorted to "old ways", and forced her hand. I'm sorry. To me the relationship was something "exquisite"...the way any overwhelming emotion or sensation is,,,that line between pleasure and pain becomes so blurred its one thing. I know that's what people say they want in a relationship.I still kinda do, but the fact is, for that kind of relationship, there has to be growth, and neither one of us wanted to. That's why I can say I fell, and she didn't. I hope your memories of this person are good. My memories of the person I was with are not. Nor are they of myself in that period. |