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CJ I doubt you'll ever see this. I posted on here probably 2 years ago, it was meant for you, but I got no replies. I don't know you anymore, but you just don't strike me as someone who browses these ads in his spare time. None the less, here it goes: 5 months ago I somehow got up the nerve to send you a message on . I was half asleep, I'd just woken up from having another dream about you. It was just a message and you responded back just as generiy. A few months later I received a message from you asking why I had never responded. We talked a bit about our past together and you invited me to come out for a drink. You gave me your number and I never used it. We also haven't spoken since. During that conversation I told you I was sorry that I couldn't. I'm practiy married and could never do that to him. Except I could, with you. That sounds bad and I'm not some cheating whore in the slightest, but I love you. I have been in love with you since we were 11. Since that first year in middle . That sounds crazy, but its the truth. Through the rest of middle and all through high , we never really spoke and I wished every day that you felt the same about me. I promised myself that when things got serious with the guy I'm with now, that if you EVER contacted me and expressed an interest, I would take my chances because I couldn't spend my life knowing that I didn't do everything I could to wind up with the one person I truly love. You got married and had . I had a . I didn't ever take into account those things when I made myself that promise. Then when you talked to me and I brushed it off, I couldn't figure out why. I kept beating myself up for being petrified to see you. I lost my last chance to see if there was anything real between us. I found out a few days later the real reason I brushed you off. I posted a the other day as an explanation to you. Not because the world needs to know about my life, but because I needed to let you know that it wasn't just me blowing you off. I'm not even sure you saw the ...I sit here now wondering why not just sending you this message directly. I guess because I'm . . I don't want you to think I'm insane for telling you that I've been in love with you for 14 years. Clearly you don't feel the same. I don't want you to know for sure that I'm saying all this to you, and have you run and show every one of your friends how pathetic I am. I don't think you're that guy anymore but you definitely were in high . I just wonder if you ever think of me...is there a chance you feel the same about me? Probably not, but its worth a shot putting this out here. I've loved you for 14 years, and I wish I would have done everything in my power to make sure you and I had started lives together instead of with the people we did. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and our , but you've never left my head. My thoughts. My dreams. I love you, and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.

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